How can I learn stock trading in one day?

by David Jenyns on February 26, 2012

Question by I’m that asshole down the st: How can I learn stock trading in one day?
I was a little drunk yesterday on the golf course and bragging to my father-in-law about my vast knowledge of the stock market. Now he wants me to invest a large portion of his wealth! I’ve never even owned a stock or done any daytime trading or anything.

Best answer:

Answer by DAVEG_10
You can’t.

Give your answer to this question below!

score February 26, 2012 at 11:26 am

visit and search for online trading and finance page

wolfwi4 February 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Pay me $ 1000.00 and I will tell you what I know

fat_albert_999 February 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

You cant. It isnt all that hard to make a profit in the stock market, but you cant learn it overnight either. Tell your father in law you are full of it and get it over with. You will look like an even bigger idiot if you lose his money you wont admit you got drunk and acted stupid.

Anthony J February 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I’ve been learning stocks intensely. Hours a day for about four years now. I have over 200 pages of information on just patterns. I still make mistakes. So far this year, I’ve yet to have a loss, but that may not last long. You can not learn in a day, week, month, or even a year. Do not invest for anybody.

yums February 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm

read tips on stocks and investing that will help you on this site

Oh Boy! February 26, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Tell him that in the course of your experience you’ve learned that your style of trading works for you but might not work for others given the difference in their goals, objectives and time horizon so you’d rather not be put in that position. On the other hand, I think it’s MUCH more likely that he knows you’re full of sh1t and is calling your bluff. Now quit drinking when you’re around the guy.

aripp_ehh February 26, 2012 at 3:40 pm

just gamble on it!!business is hard to predict..but ur a player when u hit a jackpot..if u lost some amount of money just admit dat ppls do all wrong sometimes..ait?!
life ur live to the fullness!!

4XTrader February 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

That’s like asking how you can graduate with a Ph.D. in one day. Trading is the hardest thing you can do. It takes times to learn. I’ve been trading for nearly 20 years and I still consider myself a novice.

The best advice I can give you is to confess to your father-in-law. If you go through with it, there is a high probability that you’ll lose his money. It is better to for you to confess than to lose his money. He’ll probably laugh off your bragging, but how will he react if you lose his money?

Remember the saying, “Pride goes before the fall”. Swallow your pride and tell your in-law the truth because if you don’t the consequences of you losing his money is going to be vastly greater than the temporary embarassment of telling him you were drunk and you don’t know how to invest.

David D February 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I found some good info here.

Yada Yada Yada February 26, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Your question reminded me of something I recently read. Let me start by quoting John Carter,

“Trading is the most deceptive profession in the world. Do you know anyone who has recently walked into an airport, jumped into the cockpit of a jumbo jetloaded with passengers, and taken off down the runway without any prior training? Yet people will routinely open an account and start trading witout any guidance whatsoever. And that is equally insane.”

You can certainly trade and lose as much as you want, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

You might answer your father in law that you’re still working out some strategies with the market being so choppy. Use that time to continue to learn. Buy “How to make money in stocks in good times and bad” by William O’Neill. And read it for the basics.

You might start with a firm like or one of the other educational firms. They can really help you protect your money and help it grow.

If you need to put the money somewhere for now. Perhaps you can buy a couple of ETFs (similar to indexes) like the QQQQ’s (Nasdaq) or DIA (Diamonds = DOW). That way you’d at least be mirroring the market. That’ll neutralize you in the fact that at least you’d be performing as well as the market to start.

And THAT should buy you enough time to better learn how to make money!

Let me know if you have any questions.

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